November 19

I didn't know when I left that I wasn't returning.

I woke up on the operating room table with my good foot halfway on the floor, trying to jump off while I tried to adjust my glasses that weren't there.  I heard people yelling and I threw the sheet back over my crotch that I feared was exposed.  And then, I tried again.

Suddenly, my doctor put his face in front of mine.  
"I'm sorry."  I said.
"I was disoriented.  I didn't know where I was."

"You are making record recovery time!"  a nurse in the recovery room commented.

"Yes.  Yes, I am fine."  I responded, staring off into space.

They let me leave.  I hopped from the wheel chair to the car.

"I really didn't know..."  Alec said.

"I really didn't know how serious this surgery was.  I was shocked when they took me back there and all those people were around you and all those tubes...."

"It's okay."  I responded.

"I didn't know how to explain it."

Alec drove us home and I kept wanting to cry.  The nurse that rigged me up for surgery kind of gave me a heads up.  

"Wow, they are really moving you through this."  she told me.

"Yeah, my insurance wasn't going to cover it so I refused to come back here until I knew what the bills would be."  I responded.

She ran an IV in my arm.

"It's better this way."  she said.

"They would have just made you sit back here for hours instead of out there where it's better."

"Yeah."  I said.  Yeah. 

"How do you respond to anesthesia?"  she asked.

"I don't know.  I've only been under twice in my life.  No one told me.  I could have gone crazy town.  I don't know."  

She laughed.

"Yeah.  Some people really tear it up.  Others, they cry."

We made it to our house and into the backyard where we parked the car.  I tried to get out on the stupid one hundred dollar knee scooter I bought and nearly fell.  Alec was trying to help me.  It had rained.  By the end, we were both lying in the driveway, soaking wet from the rain, rolling around, trying to get down the stairs and into our house.  

Oh Kitty.  You have no idea the rest.  It only gets worse.