Miss Universe

"So, we have to leave our apartment, you know, because of that thing I told you about."  
I looked at Rafael.
"When?"
"By the end of the year."  he answered.
Kids say that all the time, and then they don't move.  He was gone two days later.  I had screamed at him in class a matter of days before, something I don't usually do.  Now, I will always regret it, more than I would anyway. 

Antonio arrived a day after Rafael left.  And then, came Joya and Cati, straight from Mexico with no English.  The county has decided that they don't deal with Intensive English anymore and that we have to do it at our schools, whether there is time in our schedules or not.  Whether they actually provide us the materials or not.  Multi-million dollar budget, but you get what you get.   I want to do anything I can for these kids, but here are only so many hours in the day, and I want to do it right.  It took weeks to get these girls scheduled correctly and I still don't have the promised materials.  I am down to thirty minutes a day of planning and teaching seven classes a day.  I am running, running, running. 

I sort of like it.  Though I am done with the county not giving me a damn thing to do my job, I love these kids.  I am off most of my duty assignments and doing what I actually like, teaching.  I have to hustle to plan, but it's okay.  And, it keeps my mind off of Lola.  My baby.  My baby I lost.  

"We're moving."  Arecely announced.

"No," I responded, thinking she didn't know what she was talking about.  They usually don't.  And, my salt block, my child of salt, those are the ones that usually stay.  I included her and Flave-o-Flave in the Intensive English class I formed.  Flave and Joya weren't eligible because of their grade and Arecely had timed out of IE because the county did her wrong.  I figured if I was doing it, might as well include all of the kids that really should be in it. Even if my salt block was hard, a hard child, that often made other kids feel bad.  On purpose.  

"Miss Nicaragua won Miss Universe."  Arecley announced, a huge smile on her face.

"And then, they arrested her for treason.  That's why we had to go.  It wasn't safe for us anymore with Ortega."  

She never told us anything before.  That's when I knew she was really going.  

Christmas festivities took over the school.  I waited with my walking crew on the last day before our break.  The bus riders filed out and I saw Arecely, in tears, walking out of the door.  My hard girl.  My salt block.

I grabbed her and hugged her, hard, crying myself.

"Please take care of yourself."  I said over and over, knowing she was the only one that would.  

You're a Dream to Me

"You poo poo cha cha"  Eduardo's sister announced, shooting out of the kindergarten classroom. 

I keep thinking of all the things our vet told us when we took Temple in for her initial meeting.  You have to brush her teeth once a week.  They make a combo for heartworm and flea prevention that is actually good, you don't have to seperate them anymore to be effective.  They didn't say any of this shit to us before.  They are acting like my dog died ten years ago, but it's only been four months.  It's like she is being shoved into yesteryear.  I submitted Temple's DNA test, just out of curiosity.  It came back, um, pure Pit Bull.  I looked at the rest of my account with the company and Lola's results wouldn't appear.  Why?  Why not?  It kept saying there was an error.  I sat, looking at the printed results I have I of Lola's DNA.  I touched the paper, the picture of her.  

I watched the trailer for the new Nicolas Cage movie while I waited to see Priscilla.   That Cranberries song kept playing, loud.  I've never really been a fan, I'm neutral, didn't hate them, didn't love them.  Over and over again, I kept hearing 'you're a dream to me...' and I'd cry.  I'd picture Lola and cry.  In the car.  At work.  Wherever.   

Temple needs us, and I love her.  She follows me wherever I go, even into the bathroom.   I've stepped on her feet by accident, stumbled over her because she is always right next to us.  I've left her alone for a matter of minutes and came back in, only to find her heart beating out of her chest and her eyes, urgent.  She jumps up and hugs me, tries to climb right up me.  I want her to know that we will always be here, that she is safe.  At night though, when she sleeps in our bed, she doesn't push up next to me.  She sleeps alone, in a little ball at the foot of the bed.  And, she can't bark.  I wrap her up in the velvety blanket that is similar to the one Lola had, but in a different color.  

Papi and I went to see Liz Phair.  It was at the ASO site and she played the whole Guyville.  It was good, but another illuminating look at how old we are and how old everyone else is, too.  The songs seemed different, much different than when we tore that tape up nearly thirty years ago.  

It's Christmas Eve
in the drunk tank
you won't see another one
an old man said to me
.........
I turned my face away
and dreamed about you

I dreamed about you, Lola.  I dreamed about you.  

*Lyrics, Shane MacGowan, Fairytale in New York.  And Lola, I love you baby.