In the Pines

Hey.  It's been a minute.  

Last October, a small black and white dog started hanging around the school where I work.  I tried to pay her no mind.

By November, I had already seen her alot.

Alec and I went to visit his family at a beautiful rental house they got in in western Connecticut.  For Thanksgiving.  I was worried about the dog, had been feeding her and left a lot of food on the porch of my trailer before we left.  

The first day I came back to school, as I unlocked my trailer behind the school, I saw a dog, her, sitting behind the school fence, watching me.  Then, she ran.  

I texted Coach.  "She sees home."  he answered.  Home meant me.  "Don't tell me that."  I responded. 

I admit I had a little PTSD about seeing her behind that fence.  When Lola died, I had nightmares that she was behind that fence and I couldn't get her, could not get to her.  

I kept feeding her, on the porch of my classroom trailer.   She wouldn't come within twelve feet of me. Papi and I get auto-delivery of dog food and had to increase the supply.  I walked around with leashes in my pockets, at work.  I bought hot dogs and cut them up in zip lock bags, convinced that I would be able to get her close to me, slip the leash on her and get her to the shelter.  I sort of gave up after a little while, knowing I couldn't catch her.  And, it started getting really cold.  Twelve degrees kind of cold.  I put her food inside my trailer, and propped the door open.  I was freezing.  I told myself over and over, if you're cold, the dog is colder.  Man up.  One day, I moved to get something out of my file cabinet and saw her run away.  I didn't realize she was inside.  

So, I bought a dog house from Wal-Mart for a hundred dollars.  It was on sale.  I bought hay for the bottom of the elevated floor and a little dog matt that had an emergency blanket inside of it so she could radiate her own heat.  I bought a flappable door, so that rain and and wind couldn't get in.  I pulled it in to the car the morning it arrived and dragged it to the trailer.  Some of my most loyal children helped me put the house together before school started.  And, I put it behind the trailer and dumped the hay inside.   I had this OCD moment.  The hay was pulled together by these little hard wire rings.  I pulled them off, they cut my fingers and I shoved them into the pocket of my skirt.  I was standing in mud, behind my trailer classroom in the dark at 7-ish in the morning.  One of the hard wire things was missing. What if it was inside the dog house?  What if she ate it?  I dumped the house out and dug through everything until I finally found it.  And then, I set it up again and taught school.  By the time I came inside the building, I was covered in hay-remnants. 

Every morning, certain kids came outside with me to put water and food in her bowls.  Angie alway carried the water.   I carried the food.  I always went first, in case the dog might be aggressive.  One morning, before the kids even came out there, I saw her head poking out of the dog house.  I was so relieved she was using it.  

"Ms. Wagner, I saw your door open and thought the IT people were in here."  my principal announced.  "Yeah, no, okay."  I responded, as she stepped over the dog bowl filled with food. 
"And, there is a dog house behind your trailer.  Please remove it before the break on Friday.  Take it home."  
"Come on!"  I responded.  "We have a mascot here!"  I was trying to be funny, but I knew I was in trouble.  

So, I took one of the circular wheel things the big trash cans roll on to my trailer.  I put the dog house on top of it and rolled it down the sidewalk and next door, in the abandoned side of the church lot.  In my work clothes.  I put her food out there and hoped it would work.  The Saturday before temperatures where dropping to the teens, my sister and I drove over there.  She drilled the flappable door onto the house.  We saw Baby Dog, but she wouldn't come close.  We eventually left all the hot dogs and things I had brought to bait her and left.  

When I came back again after the December break, the first thing I saw was her running in front of my car while I parked.  You survived.  You survived!!

Then, I bought a humane dog trap.  I couldn't put it together, it cut my fingers and sucked mighty ass.  I brought it back, and bought another.  Some days I would see her.  I kept putting food outside for her, until I got caught again by my principal, who was pissed after round two.  Every day, I went to her doghouse in the church yard, I fluffed her bed, where I could tell she slept.  I refilled her water and food.  

"My girl, my girl, tell me where did you sleep last night...."  I hummed, every day in my work clothes, tromping through the muddy church yard.  I looked up at the pines, thinking the worst.  

'That's a good thing you doing."  I hear a low vice mutter.

I spun around. 

An old man was standing there.

"I think someone got that dog and dumped her there and the kids that wanted her brought that dog house over."

"I'm sorry.  I brought the dog house.  I work at the school."  I responded.

"A good thing you're doing....."

I couldn't get her in the humane trap.  I set it up most days and brought hot dogs to work to bait her.  

The man across the street was feeding her.  Beef bones.  Multiple parents and teachers at the school were too.  I tried to pretend that this might be a tenable situation.  But, there are coyotes in the neighborhood.  She is not spayed.  Heartworm.  I layed in bed at night, thinking of her cold, hurt.  Everytime I walked to the church yard, I prepared to see her dead.  

Last Wednesday, Animal Control got her.  They had been trying for a while.  I walked through the cafeteria on my way out to the trailer.  The cafeteria staff, my allies, ran at me, they got her, they got her, they told me.  I ran out of the front door.

I waved at the Animal Control vehicle.  The officer rolled her window down. 

"Do you have her?"  I asked.

"Yes, I set up a trap and I got her.  She went crazy in the trap, her face is cut and bleeding.  I had to to use the pole, I didn't want to but...."

"I'm not blaming you."  I responded, and burst into tears.

"She's warm now and she's safe."  the lady responded.  

"What's her intake number?"  I asked.

"She won't have one yet, do you want me to put you down as an contact person?'

"Yes,  Definitely yes."