"Here, this will make you look better." he said, while systematically covering the photo.
"I'm gonna give you a little lipstick, too." he continued, while covering my mouth with pink crayon.
"So I was trying to line my kids up for the assembly and text a parent at the same time...." Mr. Warren said, eyes wide open.
"Spell check switched her name to 'baby', I don't even use words like that....I had to text her back and tell her I wasn't calling her that....."
The fire alarm would not stop going.
"DON'T EVACUATE!" the principal yelled over the intercom, trying to be heard over the noise.
It had a three beat rhythm. I walked past four boys, covering my ears.
"YOU SUCK DICK. YOU SUCK DICK." they chanted, in rhythm with the alarm.
"It smells bad in here." one of my second graders commented.
"My trailer? My beautiful trailer?! What do you mean????"
I was honestly horrified.
"It smells like wish finger."
"What, what is wish finger??" I screamed.
"Do you mean like wish bone, like the thing in the turkey?"
"NO! Witch finger!"
Oh my god, witch finger, the green plastic witch fingers I bought at Kroger during Halloween that we all put on every time we read to keep track of which sentence we are on??
I ripped the finger off of my finger.
It smelled horrible. Then, I sprayed stuff in the air and ran through it like it was perfume.
I pulled a little row of chairs in front of the giant monitor the county put in my trailer. The kindergartners sat down. It was Awards Day. I don't really believe in that sort of thing but, well, whatever. They sat for a minute, and then started to squirm. Suddenly, Naked Thursday occurred. Legs kicking in the air with the pants pulled up to the knee. Shirts pulled up to their shoulders, talking belly buttons.
"Dah na nah nah, bu nah, nah nah, nah nah, buh nah nah naha nah...." I chanted, and put my eyes on the screen.
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