Shame In My Game

"Kemp changed the vaccination date for teachers.  They are letting you in on March 8th."
I didn't really know what to do.  I looked at a few drug store websites and none of them would let me register in advance.  Finally, Alec and I both registered on My Vaccine, hoping they would send us something whenever we could make appointments.  

I was surprised to see a notification in my email box Thursday evening.  It allowed me to make an appointment for the first dose of Pfizer at a mass vaccination site by the airport, about twenty miles from where I work.  I felt nearly as agitated as I did the night I found out that I had been exposed at work.  After setting up the appointment, I got excited.  Then, I walked into the kitchen.  As soon as I looked at Alec I felt enormously guilty.  He has been back at work since the summer.  In a restaurant.  He has been tested more times than I can count because his coworkers are constantly getting COVID.  He tried to reassure me that he didn't think I should feel bad, but I did.  And I still do. 

I texted everyone I know and put a message up on Facebook, fearing that they didn't know they could get appointments and worrying that all of them would book up.  I sat at work at 7:00 the next morning, when a text came through from a friend at my old school.

"Walgreen's has appointments in Decatur and they are letting us book both shots."
I sat at my desk, kind of staring off into space.  
I'm not going to mess with it, I thought.  I am grateful just to have an appointment.....but, I only have an appointment for one shot....what if they run out?  And Decatur is a hell of a lot closer than the airport from school....what's wrong with you?  What's wrong with you?  You can't be happy with your appointment?  It has to be closer, more convenient?  Asshole.  You are an asshole.  

I got on the Walgreen's website and got both appointments booked.  

"Do you know which vaccine it is?"  I texted back, worried because the website didn't say.  

My brain started working again....you bougie asshole.  Now you think you should get to shop around? What, J&J isn't good enough for you?  Alec doesn't have anything.  Holly doesn't have anything.  

The school system updated something with the internet the night before and half of my pages were getting blocked, no matter which wifi channel I used or which computer.  I was getting really anxious, the confirmations weren't coming through and my first class was about to start.  There was stuff I needed to see, I needed to get these appointments right.  My first class started and the internet was so janky I couldn't even see the kids on the call and I got kicked out multiple times in thirty minutes.  My stomach started to churn.  

What, this hurts your stomach?  Poor you.  Poor you getting vaccinated, so sorry it makes your stomach hurt.  So sorry it stresses you out to get stuff millions of other people need and can't get.  So sorry!

Both appointments got confirmed.  I am getting my first vaccination on Monday.