The emails started and would not stop coming. Accusations against me that ranged from "singling out" a child, to "maltreatment", to racism. The same parent that accused me of not being able to speak English and demanded a meeting between me and the principal, only to cancel it when only an assistant principal agreed to attend. Each time one of the accused teachers tried to address the accusations, another email would fly in our boxes that was even longer than the previous. Accusations against me were mixed with accusations of other teachers, students and substitutes. Confusing descriptions of my misbehavior were mixed with things that had happened in Science and recess, classes I am not even present for.
Alec and I were trying to prepare Lola for another visit to the vet. I couldn't speak anymore because I had lost my voice. Taking Lola to the vet when it's raining is an unbelievable task. We have nearly wrecked the car because she becomes eighty plus pounds of hysterical pit bull if we turn on the windshield wipers. She had to go to the appointment. They were going to assess if her epidural shot worked. Alec and Lola ended up racing to a hotel a half a mile from the vet, north of the city, simply to avoid driving fifteen miles in pouring rain in the morning. I helped pack up Lola and watched them go, feeling worried. I squeaked out my goodbyes.
A new accusation flew into my inbox, for a bathroom situation that I wasn't present for. I do not enter the student bathrooms.
I woke up, wondering how my cold could keep getting worse instead of better. I called my Uber and waited on the front porch, texting Alec to see how the night went. It was pouring.
I received the message that my Uber was there and ran out in the rain. I was drenched in minutes while I watched my phone get soaked, while the driver sat passively at the wrong address.
"Sorry," she said casually when she finally pulled up. I was wet to the skin.
It was hours before I was dry, but I never felt warm the whole day. I cordially administered tests to the student who threatened to shoot me last week and made my way through the day, cold and sick to my stomach from too much cold medicine. I kept texting Alec to see if he and Lola were safe, if the visit went alright and if they were home.
I bummed a ride to avoid walking in the rain to go to tutoring. At the Center, I made my students write persuasive essays about things that are important to them. One picked "extended recess". When I asked for her talking points, her persuasive arguments, she said:
"We work harder than teachers. They get breaks all day and sit around and socialize with other teachers."
Yeah, fourth grade life is a real killer. Punching that clock 24/7.
My heart hardened in a way I didn't think was possible.
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