The One in My Heart

Oliver nashed his teeth and grabbed his head.  His eyes were tearing up.   The front of his pants were wet.  I had never seen him like this before.  The wild schedule of the last week of school made most of the kids happy.  Not Oliver.  But I had never seen him this way.  This upset.  No eye contact.  Pulling at his mouth, grinding his teeth, hands and arms covering his head.  A fragmented shell of the child that I looked forward to seeing all year.

There is a tradition at the school where I work.  On the last day, the faculty lines up outside of the buses and waves goodbye.  I couldn't wait.  Kids ran up and hugged me and said their final goodbyes.  When our principal gave the buses the okay to go, all of the project kids ran through the crosswalk in front of the buses, wild.  They go on foot.  The bus drivers started rolling and honking, arms in the air as they rolled forward, our students hanging out of the windows, yelling and waving to us.  I could not wave hard enough.  My Mexican student locked eyes with me and waved furiously, the one that made me give him self addressed envelopes so that he could write me letters over the summer. 

I was worried that I hadn't seen Bailey in the bus line.  His teacher sighted him and I walked over to   say goodbye.
"I'll be back" he told me.
"My little brother is still here, I'll come to Open House".
I made him hug me.  I know that he will be okay.  It doesn't matter that he is biologically female.  He is sound and firm in his mind and he will be what he wants.
I was surprised when glass-eyed Fulton approached me.  He had presented the Spanish poem in an assembly, which shocked everyone.  I liked him, liked him alot, but couldn't always click with him like I did with Oliver.  I wanted to, but I couldn't make it happen.
"When will I see you again?" he asked.
"I don't know, Fulton....I don't know..."
"Will you be here a while?" he asked.
"Yes.  Yes, I will be here for a while.....for a long time".
"I will see you in two years.  That is when my brother comes here". 

I saw Oliver and I chased him.  I had to.
"Oliver, I will miss you".
"Yes" he responded, without eye contact.  He didn't know who I was.
"Can I hug you?"
"Yes".
I grabbed him and hugged him hard, pressing my cheek to his.

He let me, and then walked away, eyes to the ground, as if he had never known me at all.