Only in the Darkness Can You See the Stars

I watched the kindergartner rolling around on the floor of my classroom.  He tore down the Positive Intervention Behavior and Supports signage with his feet.  I kept trying to have a class.

The kids were talking about the election.  I didn't stop them.  I was surprised that more than a few said they wanted Trump.  Refugee children, though Trump put the refugee cap near zero when he was previously in office.  Latino children.  I know they are parroting what they hear from their parents, but that didn't really make me feel any better.  I guess after one gets in, they slam the door shut behind them.  

"I bet Kamala ran home crying."  Albinus snickered, a mean look in his eyes.  

I read that some Latino men were uncomfortable voting for a woman.  I thought of the multitude of Latino men I encountered while volunteering for No More Deaths.  They seemed pretty comfortable taking water from a woman while they were dying in the desert, but to each his own.  I never felt like they owed me anything, you'd have to be some kind of animal to not offer aid to people in those situations.  But I admit, part of me feels betrayed.  You might have noticed.  Not because many prefer conservative politics, that's their right, but that they don't think a woman is capable of much.  Plenty of us dodged rattlesnakes, the law and militia groups to help them survive their treacherous journey to the United States, even though we have those lady vaginas.    

My mother has been hospitalized for two weeks.  She went to the emergency room and ended up staying.  Yesterday she was transferred to another facility.  My sister and I have been caring for her dog and her house.  I came by one day to find a side door heavily damaged by what was probably a crowbar.  The door held but all of the locks were exposed.  A break-in attempt.  I took my mother's dog and her jewelry box.  I was lucky to find a really kind couple that are caring for her dog in their home and are willing to keep him for weeks.  I replayed over and over in my head how afraid that dog must have been, alone in the house listening to someone trying to rip the door down.  

I am having surgery myself next Tuesday and will have limited mobility for two months.  Alec's mother has been very ill.  He will be spending Thanksgiving with his family in Connecticut.  I admit to feeling sad at first, the idea of being alone and on crutches over a major holiday was depressing.  But then I felt like I needed to stop being a little bitch and see the big picture and I encouraged him to go.  He needs to be there and her situation is a lot worse than mine.  

I stared at the new little boy.  He basically just screams and chants all day.  He runs in circles through our classrooms, screaming.  He runs all over the cafeteria and back to the food line, snatching food.  The first two days that I tried to get him for ESOL he hit me repeatedly and ended up getting suspended.  He is an absolute menace everyday, from 7:00 until 2:15.  His father wags his finger in my face and advises me to "be patient".  He never says, "I'm sorry my son hit you.".  And, we've noticed, his son only listens to men.  

I stared at him intently, his little pants with dinosaur fins poking out of the sides, chanting along with Al-Aqsa, swatting me away whenever I touched his computer.  

 

*Title, Martin Luther King Jr.