I thought of my sister, alone among doctors, being wheeled into surgery. I knew she was terrified. I stood in my trailer and gripped my face really hard. I thought if I could somehow smash it it would compress everything, everything inside me.
We were staying in a house on the Long Island Sound for a few days this summer. I liked the cottage a lot, and the atmosphere there. It was very beautiful. But, the reason for our visit was difficult and Alec was away for days at a time. On the day Biden left the race I sat watching the Tour de France on the screened in front porch. It was overcast and atmospheric. Temple and I went inside because I wanted a little air conditioning. I heard a clunk in the formal-sh living room and darted out there. Temple was galloping toward me, but lifting her front paw, limping. I sat down and hugged her. Hard. I looked at her paw. She licked my neck and pushed in. I was glad that she let me hug her. I saw an ottoman by the windows skewed to the side. It had fur on it. We sat like that for a long time.
I have a lot to say, but have been feeling uncomfortable about putting my life online. I guess after all of these years it's dawning on me that an online diary is overexposure for me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
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