The Pouring Sun

We pulled into the driveway and I took Temple into the backyard.  She immediately rolled on her back with her legs in the air with an expression I can only call a dog smile on her face.  Then, she stood up and hugged me.  She wrapped her arms around my waist and stood there for a very long time.  Then, she started running and jumping around the yard, launching herself off of retaining walls that Lola wouldn't even think about.  

I realized that though the shelter thought she was two years old, this dog was definitely a puppy.  A really pretty, soft puppy.  I couldn't believe that she was just one in a million at the shelter.  I looked at her little ankles.  They didn't have radiation scars like Lola's did.  They were silky and pristine.  Her body shape reminded me of Lola, but she was literally less than half the size of my baby.  It was odd, she felt different.  

That night, she jumped on our bed.  We set up the bed the shelter gave us, but she launched onto the memory foam that is honestly, intoxicating.  Alec and I had already discussed the sleeping arrangements.  Lola was our dog and she slept in our bed with us.  If the new dog wanted in, we weren't going to say no, but we weren't encouraging it.  Temple made a quick decision and it was that night, around two in the morning, when I woke up with her sitting upright between Alec and me, just sitting there, straight up.  

I woke up again later.  It was odd looking at this little dog, laying in such a similar position as Lola, but so small.  She had her little blanket pulled up on her and she laid with her legs straight out, like a square.  But so little, and self-possessed.  

October is my favorite month of the year.  The cooling temperatures, Halloween, changing leaves.  Lola loved it, too.  As soon as the air got cooler, she would get very wily but also, reflective, on her Coolaroo in the backyard.  We took Temple on walks.  I liked walking with this dog, and walking with Alec.  I noticed him smiling, charmed by her.  

I woke up the next night and Temple's head was laying on the pillows between Alec's and mine.  I had a three day weekend, when I figured I could try to acclimate her to our house.  I kept feeling guilty about how excited I was to be near her.  Then, one day I just felt guilty and cried all day.   The little dog laid with me on the bed, the way Lola used to when things weren't going well.  

"Do you think we should adopt her?"  Alec asked.
"I think I'm there."  I responded.
"I mean, how would we feel if someone just applied and took her from us?  Could we trust it?  What if they abandoned her a couple of years later?"  he continued. 
"I know.  And we know that would never be us.  But where does this all lead?"  I asked, starting to cry.
"Laying on the floor with another dog that dies."  I whispered.  

I still just keep crying.   I went to Los Angeles a month ago.  It was a trip that was planned before we knew Lola was passing.  My sister and I would arrive on the eve of the Grito, Mexican Independence Day, hang out in a city I like though everyone tells me I shouldn't, and see the closing night of The Pixies tour at the Hollywood Bowl, with Modest Mouse and Catpower opening.  It was overcast the whole time we were there.  It sort of fit my mood.  We stayed downtown, between Olvera Street and Chinatown, any area that I don't think is very popular with tourists.  One day, we walked miles to go to a Mexican vegan place.  We crossed over the bridge where the Grease race scene and parts of Repo Man were filmed.  We walked forever, under the gray sky, dodging unhoused people and human feces.  It was my favorite part of the trip.  I keep listening to Frank Black's first album and everytime I hear "Los Angeles", I cry and think of Lola.  

I filled out the application to adopt Temple on October 9th, two months to the day that we lost Lola.  I found Temple on February 9th.  We were approved later that afternoon and now Temple is ours.  

She is our dog.