"I really hope my mom's not out there with a sign." my friend said sardonically while we pulled into the medical complex. It was cloudy and we were teenagers.
"You are in your second trimester and will require the two-day method." the doctor told us bluntly.
We had borrowed the money and she made the appointment. She had skipped periods, but didn't know she was pregnant. It's normal for teenage girls to skip periods. I skipped almost a year of periods when I was in my late twenties while we were traveling in Asia. It happens.
She made me stay in the room while he inserted something to dilate her. She was horribly ill all night. We went back the next day and they did it. She asked me to stay in the room with her and I did. They gave her a shot of Valium before they started and when I watched her get woozy, I really wondered if I asked nicely if they would give me one, too. Watching an abortion isn't pretty. There was a lot of blood and when the doctor and nurse left the room, my friend freaked out and jumped off of the table, spewing more blood.
"Sit down," I told her.
"I've got this."
"You didn't see like, fingers or toes, did you? Fingers or toes?" she repeated.
"No." I responded while I cleaned up blood with paper towels that I ripped from a dispenser on the wall.
I saw something the size of bait shrimp that shouldn't ruin a teenage girl's life. Especially one that had no family support, a family that thought sex was evil, left her unequipped and would have sent her off to the leper colony forever.
We went back to my family's place. She recovered. Our correspondence wained for a few weeks until I couldn't get any response at all. Her dad finally answered my calls and said that she had tried to kill herself. She was in the hospital, recovering. They ended up sending her to a state home for drug abuse, never knowing the real reason that she did what she did. She knew they would hate her, never forgive her, for having sex and getting pregnant and having an abortion. It wan't drugs.
Years later, I was sitting on the floor of our five hundred dollar a month apartment. I had only been teaching a year or so, and one of my high school students was calling me, one of the few that I would give my real phone number.
"So Ms. Wagner....I went out of town and...something happened. I'm pregnant and they won't let me get the abortion unless someone comes with me to give me a ride."
"Tell me when and where." I responded.
She came from a disadvantaged background. We were working on college applications This was the last thing that could derail her.
I remember picking her up the morning of the procedure. I had a lot of cash on me, because I wasn't sure if she would need more money. She made me drive by a shop, where she went in and got a bunch of money they owed her for work. We drove to the other side of town. The abortion clinic had cameras and heavy security. It was different than the one decades ago. We had to show ID just to get past a guard. She handed them a wad of cash and they took her back. They told me it would be a couple of hours. I drove to Target and bought her a bunch of thick pads, a fluffy robe and slippers. I was scared. I returned to the clinic and waited. They took my bag back and she came out, wobbly. I told her she could stay at my apartment, but she insisted on being taken to a friend's house. Her family had already exploited her enough, that is another story, but I hated watching her bang on the door of another house, in a robe, begging for someone to let her in.
It happened again about a decade ago. I prefer not to say the origin of this, but it was another teenager that we had to drive out west, because by then, it was parental consent for girls under eighteen in Georgia. Protestors were out front, with huge ugly images. They had to stay away a certain distance, but they came right at you within that distance. I wanted to kill them. Another teenage girl, with no family support. By now, I was older and ready to beat someday's ass.
All of these situations have been difficult, more for them than for me. It shouldn't be that way. Abortion access should be expanded, not restricted, so that women don't have to go through this in this way. Birth control access should be expanded, too. I could go into the ins and outs, explain all of my positions, but I won't. Women and girls deserve bodily autonomy. That's it.
I'm still ready to beat someday's ass. Politicians won't do anything for us. If you know someone that needs an abortion, contact me. If you are reading this you know how to contact me. I will do anything within my power to make sure that they are safe and get what they need.
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