I was sitting at my desk at seven am, on the Tuesday after Spring Break. I felt everything coming over me hard, like the wettest blanket in the world when you already can't breathe.
Prem is really into drift racing. When I told my brother in-law that, he lit up like a spark plug.
"Hilary, I go to those races every year! I've got connections! Bring him, we'll show him the time of his life!".
"Prem, the drift races come here in May. I would like to take you, but we have to ask your parents first...." I told Prem.
"The race track is outside of town? Like a road trip? Can we roll the windows down and blast music?!" he asked.
"Of course Prem, of course....."
"Can we pit stop for snacks? I'll bring money...."
"Prem, we will have the time of our lives, you don't need money, I've got this..."
"I think I will need a hat. I'll bring it. It will be sunny out, maybe sun block too. Water. I'll need water...." he continued.
I dreamed too.
"Can I bring somebody?" he asked.
"Of course, Prem! Who do you want to invite?"
"I want to invite Faba." he answered.
"Perfect pick, Prem, I'll call his parents."
"When is May? I really wish it was tomorrow....." he continued.
It was February. The longest wait ever.
We talked about it a lot.
"Prem, I'll ask your parents as soon as the last round of testing is over, I don't want to confuse them with too many dates and random stuff....do you really think they'll let you go?"
"One of my sister's teachers took her to Tybee Island for a week!" he responded.
And we planned and planned and planned.
I had it written in my planner. The Monday after Spring Break. Talk to Prem's parents. And I did, first thing in the morning.
By Tuesday morning, his sister responded.
"I'm really sorry. Our dad said no. COVID and he's so young......"
I didn't know what to say and there was no way I was going to argue.
Prem barely spoke to me for a day.
By Wednesday, he broke into Kaw's reading lesson.
"Hi Prem, I'm so glad you are here, but do you mind giving us thirty minutes?" I asked. Kaw's reading level is so low and Prem's is so high that I did not want to set up an embarrassing situation.
"No, I want to stay. I'll mute myself, I won't speak." he answered.
"Okay."
Prem played the comprehension games with Kaw about the kindergarten level book we had just read.
"Should we tell him what happened?" Prem asked, nearly forty-five minutes later.
"It's your business, Prem, it is up to you. But I am so sorry..."
"Ms. Wagner was going to take me somewhere......" he started.
"Really???!!!" Kaw responded.
"Where? To her house??? To the park???"
"It's a race. To a racetrack." Prem continued.
"MS. WAGNER WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO A RACETRACK???!!!" Kaw screamed.
"We are both really disappointed," I added.
"Prem's parents aren't comfortable, and I understand that. But Prem, I know it sounds crazy....but maybe next year? You'll be in sixth grade...."
"YES." he answered.
"I will be bigger then. And the anti-Asian hate will be gone."
That was the first time that I knew that that was the real reason he couldn't go.
"Are you still taking Faba?" Prem asked.
"No, Prem. I love Faba, but this was your idea and I am not taking any kids to the races without you. It's just not fair." I responded.
"Okay." he answered.
"Are you still going to go?" he asked.
"Prem, I don't know. I'm not sure if I want to go if you can't go. It won't be the same." I answered.
"No, Ms. Wagner, you have to go. You can live stream it to me, take pictures, videos."
"Okay, Prem, I'm taking the day off. I'm going to do this."
"TEACHERS CAN TAKE A DAY OFF TO GO TO RACETRACKS?" Kaw screamed.
"Yeah, Kaw, we get a couple of days a year when we don't have to go to work but don't have to explain why....." I answered.
"Hey Kaw, next year.....do you want to go to the races with Ms. Wagner and I?" Prem asked.....
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