Let Every Heart Sink

Of the twelve days I was back in school, I was testing students for seven of them.  On majority of the other days there weren't even classes at all, leaving me to piece together informal sessions to help the kids that wanted it and knew how to get to my calls.  The last day of testing was a heartbreak.   I stood in the doorway of the classroom that I'm not allowed to enter and spoke to the teacher, trying to gather the kids I had to test.  I saw a long, straight black ponytail.  She was sitting alone with her face to a wall at a desk masked off with tape all around it.  

"Mya, is that you?"  I called out.
She spun around, covered in masks and spoke but I couldn't hear her.  I came closer.
"Why am I not with you anymore?" she called, eyes screaming over her mask.  
"Oh honey, oh my god, I'm so sorry.  You tested out.  Your brain is so big that you didn't need us anymore....but, but, whenever we get back in this building you can come with us....I still have the trailer full of books, you can take any of them whenever you want...."
I glanced furtively to the homeroom teacher, she was clutching her chest and her eyes were welling up.  
"I can....?"  Mya responded.
"Of course you can.  We are not letting you go, wether you like it or not.  I put you in my Google Classroom too, come on, say hi, everyone misses you."
And then I left.  

I started getting messages from fellow teachers.

"I've got appointments in Alabama, they're vaccinating teachers...."

"I've got one in Tennessee, they're letting us get it....."

I didn't do it.  

"Hey, Wagner, call me back."

I called my co-worker back after seeing the text message.

"You tested the Warren kids last week, right?"

"Yeah, two of them, even though only one of them is ESOL.  I had them in the trailer for two days, multiple hours.  Yafir can't keep his mask on to save his life, it was driving me crazy...."

"Their dad sent me a message Wednesday, he's positive.  When did you test the kids?"

"Last Thursday and Friday."

"No one called you?  The administration knows.... no one called you?"

"No,"  I responded.

"I'm calling in sick tomorrow, I'm going to isolate."

"Don't call in sick, tell them you are working from home so that they don't take your sick days...."

I paced around and then, called my principal.  I wondered if I was overreacting, then imagined walking into the school after receiving the information that I received and having everyone point at me like Donald Sutherland did in the seventies version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  I called again and left a message stating that I had been exposed and wanted to get tested before returning to the building.  I emailed my rosters of the children that were in the room with us when I tested the Warren children.  I thought of Pablo and Angel's mom.  She was really reluctant to return her children to the building.  Pablo was in the room those days.  I don't know how I would tell her that he might have been exposed.  

My principal called me at 7:00 the following morning, our report time.  She was apologetic, telling me that I wasn't contacted because the children had not tested positive.  She told me to come to work, that day.  There were no answers as to if the children had been tested at any point and if anyone knew if they currently carried the virus, or might have late last week.  I insisted that I needed to get tested.  Earlier "protocol" stated that if an employee got tested, they should not report to work until they received results. I was told to come to work.  I arrived, a little after 8:00.  I felt awkward, weird.  People who knew what was going on stayed twenty feet away from me whenever I left the trailer.  Some were angry that I came in.

My whole day was disrupted by testing matters for the ESOL test that I have starting on Monday.  More kids in my room and I don't even know if I have it or not. I didn't even get to do my classes and ended up locked in a small office with an administrator for an extended period of time preparing testing materials.  I even had to drive to the county office to pick up file folders, of all things, because my coordinator instructed me to "come and get them" even though I teach and work for a living instead of sitting behind a desk picking my ass.  I drove the fifteen minutes, one-way trip from the school and waited outside.  I even had to sign shit like it was Fort Knox and they wouldn't even let me use their pen.  Must be nice... I thought and repeatedly stood closer to the people than I should, just to make a point.  I drove back to the school, but not before driving past one of my student's houses and placing a bag of school supplies on her front porch.  I jumped back in the car and texted her, knowing that it would make her happy.  At least something positive had to come out of that drive and believe me, the fast food fries I picked up at the drive-thru didn't do it.   

I left work right at 3:00 so that I could get to the testing center before it closed at 4:00.  Now, it's just waiting.