"Your mama so dumb, she eat food off the sidewalk..." she continued, as the line moved toward the buses.
"There is a CUSS WORD written on the bathroom door!" a little first grade boy announced, flanked by two girls, all staring at me.
"Oh wow, did you try to look away?" I answered.
"It says F-U-C-K Y-O-U!" he answered, incredulous.
"You spell really well. I'm sorry you had to see that." the two little girls nodded with me.
"THAT is a BIG cuss word!" he responded.
"Yup, it sure is."
"So he like, my student, he peed his pants." the teacher told me, slowly, trying to find the right words.
"But isn't he in second grade...." I asked.
"And he went in the bathroom and took his pee-underwear off. Then he kind of like, snuck the underwear back into the classroom, clandestinely." he continued.
"Then, as he walked behind another student, he like, whipped them out and smacked another kid in the back of the head with the pee underwear! I still can't figure how I am going to approach that phone call to the other kid's parents....your kid got hit in the back of the head with pee covered underwear?" the teacher continued, eyes wide.
"I'm gonna bring a knife to school and I'm gonna stab you, faggot. And I AM NOT PLAYING."
I watched the cell phone video with shock.
"Then, she deliberately peed right through her pants, a huge puddle, and rubbed it all over the floor with her butt." the teacher with the phone added.
I glanced through a window and saw an administrator monitor, curb side, while a family lifted and wrestled a ten year old kid into their car.
"Walk forward in this hallway!" a teacher yelled at Kavi while my mini-U.N. followed me to the classroom we continue to occupy.
I glanced back with fake surprise, pretending that I had not noticed him amusing himself by walking down the hallway backwards while looking over his shoulder.
Go get 'em, tiger, I thought sarcastically toward the barking teacher. Scream all day at everything!
"So, they ripped the metal cover thing off of the paper towel dispenser in the boy's bathroom, put it on one of the toilets and took a shit on it."
"You might want to get a tetanus shot..." I heard an administrator advise the teacher with the phone video, a few days later. I wondered if the student had bit him. Or stabbed him.
I finished my lesson plans on my personal laptop. It actually has computer-style programs and capabilities that allow me to complete my work, as opposed to my district machine. I turned my phone into a hotspot and emailed them to my work email address and grabbed my work computer and uploaded the plans onto a platform that is only installed on my work laptop. Then, I rigged up the printer I'm not supposed to use and printed them.
I heard buzzing rap music and people laughing and cheering. I thought it was the after school kids until I glanced out and saw the meanest teacher at school sailing by, crouching and popping up in some German style folk dance while the rest of the teachers formed cheering lines beside him in the cafeteria.
The librarian, still dressed as the Grouchy Ladybug for Read Across America Day, stood beside her rolling karaoke machine, bobbing her antennae-ed head to the buzzing beats.
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