Life on Mars

"Select your insurance carefully!  The State Health Plan has changed and there could be catastrophic difficulties with your finances if you make mistakes with your coverage!"

I heard someone loudly whistling the Kill Bill music while walking through one of the outdoor corridors on my way to class.  I spun around and saw no one. 

"I have to go to the bathroom!" the child who had once faked taking a shit in my class announced, squeezing his legs together in a fake gesture of desperation.
"No, wait until your next break".
"I caaaaan't!" he moaned dramatically.

"Gentlemen, please leave the meeting.  Women, stay".
Hmmmm.
"About once a year, the head custodian Miss Jane speaks to me about the faculty bathrooms.  Ladies, don't throw a used sanitary napkin in the trash.  Miss Jane has ended up touching one with her bare hands before.  Wrap up used tampons before throwing them in the bin.......".
Oh my.

"I peed myself!" my friend howled artificially.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lick his hand, rub it over his crotch, and lick it again.
"He's pretending to pee in the trash can!" another kid howled.

"Think about your retirement!  The Teacher's Retirement System and Social Security are not enough!  You won't be able to live like you do now!"

I walked to my hooptie car, the one with one half flat tire and a door that sounds like it will fall off whenever I open it.
"That was the most depressing meeting I have every attended" I announced to a co-worker.
"I know!  Fuck up your insurance, you're screwed.  Guess what!  Your amazing quality of living is going to go down even more if you try to retire!  And, who ever is screaming at their class right now probably just trashed the bathroom!".

I sat on my sister's front porch, my third Friday beer in hand.  The crazy proud Muslim dude that she had befriended on the sidewalk was sitting beside me, telling us about how ISIS is a made up conspiracy and how Obama killed Qaddafi.
Well, maybe not Qaddafi, but 'my man Momar', to be precise.
"You know," he continued, "I am not into white women.  Your daughter though is very pretty, green hair and all.  But this one," he stated, gestering to me,
"She is black man hot, butt...all...."
"Thanks man, nice to meet you" I said in exit, shaking his hand.

I knew I looked hot.  Fatter than I have ever been in my whole life.  Wearing a T-shirt advertising the elementary school where I work and a pair of pants from Target that have one leg longer than the other because the hem fell out.  Hair pulled back in ugly ponytail and clipped to the sides of my head with hair pins.  Glasses and smeared make-up assembled in the car at seven a.m. My niece's Creepers on my feet with grey socks that are supposed to be white. 

You win some, you lose some.