I laughed and kept walking.
"Awesome!" I called over my shoulder.
This guy kills me. A twenty-something hipster that works at the bike shop by my sister's house that seems like the last person I could get along with.
"Is there anyone in the room with you?" the robo-call sounding judge asked me on my telephone, unemployment hearing.
"Um, no."
"Are you recording this?"
"Err, no."
Should I be?
"Raise your right hand and swear to the oath."
I awkwardly raised my right hand while sitting in the Conservatory in my pajamas as robo-judge read the oath.
I could hear my ex-boss doing the same thing on a three way, speaker phone.
It was so strange that part of me wanted to commiserate with him.
Bike Bro ran up to Holly's front porch. And when I say ran, I mean literally scaled the slope that lines the stairs to her yard and jumped over the stairs that lead to her porch, legs and feet swayed to the right as if a skateboard was under them, but there wasn't.
"Man so, I started out the night at Church. Got free shots all night and kept sending half of 'em over to my hot fucking Asian ex-girlfriend that was sitting at the bar next to me. Her boyfriend was sitting on the other side. Man he looked pissed!".
I stood outside, shoveling bucket after bucket full of the dirt Alec and I had unearthed the day before. It sucked. I carried the buckets up the stairs and dumped them in the abandoned lot, then returned to fill another. Alec would have helped me, but I deliberately took care of it while he was away from the house. We had spent half of the previous day digging out our crumbling retaining wall and he had done the brunt of it, standing in the rain after it was dark shoveling the dirt behind the Frankenstein wall we had constructed. I had to clear the massive fucking dirt pile that was left on the sidewalk. I was worried about Monday. I didn't want to get a ticket from the city.
"Then, I went over to this punk rock show in Cabbagetown. Man, I was working my moves! Made out with this red headed girl all night. She said we were crashing into people. I woke up at my house and fuck! It was laundry day and I didn't even have a sheet on my bed. I looked over at her and she had all her clothes on. Fuck! I had all of mine on too!".
Cars were parking illegally in front of my house. At first, I almost warned them. But when I saw them bust out with their Easter clothes on, I figured I would talk to the police if they tried to ticket their cars. I was definitely going to be digging dirt for a while. They were headed to the church on the corner.
"Watch out!" I called to them, "The sidewalk is muddy and slippery!".
I was horrified that some granny in Easter whites was going to bust her ass on my muddy sidewalk.
I kept shoveling dirt.
I saw my across the street neighbors walk up in church clothes, their baby in a stroller. They did not say hello. I felt like an official heathen. Yeah, clearly and unapologetically, I am not a church goer. But, I felt like I was wearing it on my sleeve as I stood covered in filth while everyone else was dressed up in their Sunday best.
My shoulders and elbows hurt. I was flinging dirt everywhere.
I realized that I have been outside on many a Sunday morning without cars illegally parked for church on my street. I had never seen my across the street neighbors outside before on the weekend that early, let alone dressed up for church.
"How old are you today?" I asked Bike Bro.
"TWENTY-FIVE!" he answered.
"Man, you want to look at my pictures from the Pink Pony? Look at this crazy guy who took us there, said he had money....".
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