The Happiest Girl in the Whole USA

I just can't seem to get in the swing of things. I have less than four months left. And then it's back, back, back to the inevitable question: What am I going to do next? How have I pissed away so much time?

Almost every time someone gives me a present, it ends up making me sad.

My anxiety has been building. I haven't done half of the things I wanted to do here. I didn't do half of what I planned to do in Madrid either. Just when I might be getting it, it is time to go home. This happens to me on ordinary vacations too. I know the last day is going to come and I am going to be miserable to return to work. I tell myself everyday to make the most of it, ENJOY EVERY MINUTE. But it doesn't help. The last day is still miserable.

It has rained four Saturdays in a row, killing any hope of getting out of the house. Last Saturday, I was determined to do something. Tijuana may become unlivable in the rain but San Diego does not. We visited one of the museums in Balboa Park. Even though the trolley is full of creepy people, I like riding it. I like the yogurt advertisements at the 5th Avenue station. Big cones of strawberries and blueberries filled with brightly colored yogurt. I have no interest in trying their product, I just like the pictures. I like the trolley service area too. All those big barns where the trolleys go to sleep at night. I always sit up at those parts of the ride.

School can't get into the swing of things either. In addition to two sick days and the two days I had to spend in Mexicali, enough classes have been canceled to add up to an additional three days. Classes have been back in session for four weeks, minus seven random days of class suspensions. I never thought I would complain about something like this. But, I have come to love my students and I want to leave them with something. Every time I get some momentum going, we take a day off. Or two. Or fucking seven.

We have next Monday off and Alec and I are headed away from the border and off to Puebla. The weekend after that, my parents are coming to San Diego. After that, two weeks of Spring Break that I will spend all over the Baja California peninsula. I like the busy times, the travel times.

It's just the normal times when I get a little crazy.

*Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye.