Oh, glorious me

I haven't attended too many school events. Sometimes, I can't figure out where they are and how to get there. Some have occurred on our days off when I really don't want to go across town at eight in the morning to work with students. The afternoon teachers, the only people I really know, aren't too big on the events. "If you go, the only people that will be there are the principal's people, the morning teachers" they tell me.

During the foot race, the principal invited me to the "concurso" and I agreed to go, not knowing what it was. One of his secretaries took me to her house, prepared me breakfast, drove me to my house to change clothes and onward to the "concurso". She was really nice, REALLY nice, but I felt a little captive. When we arrived, I was directed to sit at a table in front of a large group of people that included some of my students. The table had a table cloth and individual bottles of water that bore the school's name....though my students don't have textbooks. My table mates included the police chief and the head of our entire school system. I didn't even take a shower that morning.

I was the only teacher invited to sit at the table. Me, who has no idea what is going on and is generally thought of as a hapless idiot by my fellow educators. I had to rise when the principal introduced me to the crowd, describing the prestige bestowed on the school by hosting an international teacher. They applauded. A fellow teacher that I don't think views me with fondness abruptly rose and sat next to me at the table; she was not introduced. I was singled out multiple times during the various presentations and lauded, though I was introduced as a "licenciada" along with all of my superiors at the table.

My U.S. school always "forgot" that I had a Masters. Most teachers have one, which made it even more irritating that I was asked when I was going to get one. When I told them that I went to Middlebury, I was asked if it was Middle College of Georgia. One teacher asked me why I had gotten a Masters before I started teaching. Love of learning, increased knowledge..."You didn't just get it for the step increase?" she asked. During the application process for the grant, I repeatedly had to explain what "Fulbrite" was to various administrators and county chiefs. And yes, that was how they spelled it. My U.S. school did not celebrate receiving the grant in any way. They eliminated me from the website as if I had quit. They didn't introduce my exchange partner as a teacher participating in a fancy ass exchange; people probably think he is just some Mexican guy they hired to take my place.

Seated at the table, I tried to tell myself that I deserved this, that I could handle it. "Be professional, isn't this what you want? Respect, regard!" I told myself. People told me afterwards that my face turned bright red every time that I was lauded. I had to present a medal to a student. I really didn't feel like I was being celebrated for my achievements, but for my nationality. I guess it's hard to lure an American teacher to Tijuana. I don't blame the principal. He has a school to promote and he would be stupid not to advertise hosting a Fulbright recipient. Rafa tells me that they want to use me as a "bandera", but I am willing to do it. It is part of the reason schools participate in the program. Unfortunately it didn't keep me from feeling like a complete fraud in front of the faculty. They have been coming to work there for years, I'm just here on vacation.

Profe Josefina filled me in on her thoughts on the way home from school on Thursday. "They did it because the head of the school system was there" she told me "the principal didn't want to do the exchange". She went on to tell me that the head of the system was my exchange partner's principal when he was in high school. When my exchange partner had trouble getting the principal at our school to sign the application forms, he went to the top and contacted his former principal. Josefina said that the Mexicali boss did it for my partner, that he remembered that "he was a good student". "They never gave you any kind of introduction before, did they?" Josefina asked me. "They did it because the boss was there".