Sunday, July 20, 2014

Welcome Back


“So, you said there was a park up here, one that you liked…”
“Yeah but, I was ten when we moved.  It might be horrible now.  Hoyt Park”.
I typed it into my phone for directions.
I remember it being beautiful.  Covered in snow, with toboggans and an ice skating rink, covered in skaters.  The old waters works was by there, covered in oxidized green. 

Baseball fields and an old cemetery covered it now. 
“I don’t remember it this way”.
“It’s alright, let’s take Lola out”.

We ended up trailing a mother and her two children on a path around the ball fields.  The smaller child was wailing.  The more the child cried, the more the mother screamed and dragged her.  Finally, she walked off, pretending to leave the child behind.  This brought the kid to near hysterically screaming.  The older one wanted to pet Lola.  I didn’t know what to do.  I wanted to tell the lady that Alec could take Lola to the car and could help her take the kids home.   Or I could wait with Lola, and Alec could drive them home.  I knew none of it would be acceptable, that I would be some yuppie bitch judging her. 

Alec and I walked toward the car with Lola, the wailing in my ears echoing as I watched them climb over some weird back hill next to the cemetery.

We drove through a terrible part of my former hometown to our hotel.

“Go get beer,” I instructed,  “a lot of it”. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Summer Lovin'

Oh summer, how I love you.  Not for your weather, but for your absence of work.  If only you were about ten months longer. 

"I can't remember the last time I took a shower.  Probably won't take one today either.  I just take my clothes off at night, lay them at the foot of the bed, then put them right back on again the next morning". 

"And then I laid there and farted, creating a wind symphony with the other people in the room".

"On the day of the presentation of your research for your Specialist's degree, you must also make a cardboard triboard of your achievements!  No, electronic presentations are not acceptable. Paper, glue and scissors is what you will need to complete THIS professional program!".

"I know.  My boob has been sticking out all day.  There is nothing I can do about it.  This shirt is see-through".

"Hi, I'm Hilary.  I was Aidan's Spanish teacher this year!".
"You the one that was callin' all the time?" the mother asked coldly, turning her back and walking away.  A hush fell over the party for at least thirty seconds.

"Emma is at Grady".  

"Goooooooooollll!"

"God, we were wild.  three-ways, strippers, we did it all". 

"Where does all the beer go that you buy?".

"That thing you asked me to sign electronically; I just typed my name on the line.  Will that work?". 

"Okay, here's the doggie Xanax...". 

"It's a U.P. thing". 

"NO era penal".  

"And then, I shit my pants". 

"Can you advocate for a refugee, Central American family that is being placed in Atlanta?".

"Michael is on his way back to the emergency room".

"Oh my God, I have to wear sunglasses in my living room that house is so bright.  I am getting a second liner on all of my curtains".  

"If you see this man, call 911.  He's wanted".  You mean the guy I just passed outside the Texaco?

"What are your personal goals for the upcoming school year?". 

Oh no.  Do you mean the one that starts in like, ten days?.....In the 'fall' as we like to call it?  Didn't we just pack up 'last year'?